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Blatant disregard for the “Don’t put your feet in the water” sign just out of frame.

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Ah, the first day of a $300,000 adventure…

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Drip sandcastles with the kids. And kudos to the guys at Hair Club for Men for making such a fine product.

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Piper hasn’t progressed as well on Plyo X as we had originally hoped…this is her at the top of a rock star hop.

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2Pac would be proud of my 2 pack. Only 4 more packs to go. Please excuse the pastiness; it’s genetic, I think.

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Sunset on the cruise. Too bad it was mere minutes before Jupiter crashed into our planet, killing us all.

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I’m fairly confident I had been drinking here. Mary as well, given the framing composition choices. And by that, yes, I mean Mary was fairly confident that I had been drinking.

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Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear….Sheldon.

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Crap, I think I spaced the lenses too far apart on my makeshift stereoscopic camera. Probably didn’t help that one lens was marked “Kids” and one was marked “Adults.”

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Piper apparently doesn’t share my dislike of elongated, legless, carnivorous reptiles. Hell, she’s probably a Parselmouth. On the plus side, I hear Hogwarts offers generous tuition discounts to Mudbloods. 529 plan? Vegas, baby!

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Stupid P90X, I can’t even make my arms work anymore. That, and I appear to be growing taller again…hopefully just Clare’s poor choice of forced perspective and not some horrible genetic disorder, or lack thereof.

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Piper makes it all but impossible to take a family photo.

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I was on a boat, but Mary was on a rock. Busting no knots, wind not whipping out her hair.

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I’m on a boat. I’m on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherf*cking boat. And my pasty white arms.

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The intrepid soccer player faces the end of the season. Alone, vulnerable, brave. Just waiting for the thrill of cake and a generic trophy.